Job opening for Christian dealmaker
Job summary: A leading Christian Democratic party has an immediate opening for a skilled dealmaker and off-budget fundraiser for helping the party return to the right path and avoid sliding down the road to financial hell. This position requires at least four years of experience in speaking out of both sides of one's mouth, intimate knowledge of public procurement and offshore banking, and absolute spinelessness in promising the moon and the stars to potential sponsors. Priority will be given to applicants with dual citizenship (Swiss or Nauruan preferred), in case emergency extraction is required. Applicants must sign a non-compete clause and submit irrefutable evidence of past shady activity to serve as security against jumping ship to another top party. Apply now and join us in building a calm force that, with God's blessing, will once again be in a position to do unto others before they do unto us.
Glossary of difficult words
political satire - this is political satire and it meant to be funny; we of course have no specific Christian Democratic party in mind, nor any other TOP politician;off-budget - not appearing in the official budget;
to speak/talk out of both sides of one's mouth - to say different things to different people in order to please all;
spinelessness - the absence of resolution or strength of character;
to cajole - to persuade someone to do something by sustained coaxing or flattery;
emergency extraction - swift removal from a location;
non-compete clause - a contract provision preventing the employee from working for a competitor for a given period;
irrefutable - impossible to deny or disprove;
shady - of doubtful honesty or legality;
do unto others before they do unto you - this is a word play on the Golden Rule ("do unto others as you would have them do unto you") and means just the opposite - it means to do something mean to others before they can do something mean to you.