Official slush fund approved

PRAGUE, Aug. 24. In its first formal decision since taking office, the newly confirmed Czech government announced the creation yesterday of an official slush fund for centralizing all bribes, commissions and other forms of illegal conveyance. The fund was given level-one priority, with 20% of all EU, state and municipal revenue to flow directly into it. "We've named it the 'Let Them Eat Cake Fund,'" said the prime minister. "Just because there's a budget crisis doesn't mean that we politicians and our commercial masters should cut back too." Money from the fund will be distributed by a board made up of representatives of the Five Families (Penta, PPF, KKCG, J&T, NWR), with advisory status awarded to Appian/ČEZ, Agrofert and Czech Coal. Any propensity to cheat will be monitored by the Corruption Regulatory Office. In anticipation of the transfer to Chinese rule in the coming years, anyone caught taking a bribe outside of official channels will be given the choice of lethal injection or a bullet to the back of the head.